Surreal Conversations

I don't know if it is something about me or what. But I seem to get into these surreal conversations with the unlikeliest of beings. Like customer care, admin guys, HR of course, my maid, sometimes my boss.... Where, oh where would I be, but for this interesting human interludes.

This is a specific conversation I had with the admin department head of the company I work for. The background is that one fine day I wake up to discover that my phone connection is dead and I have to be on a conference call with some important dudes calling from the US. Frantically, I call Airtel customer care. For once in this lifetime, I manage to have a straightforward conversation with customer care, who gleefully informs me that my corporate connection has been disconnected on the instructions of my admin department and no they cannot forward calls and no they cannot temporarily activate it unless admin permits.

Ok, this ought to be easy, I thought, taking a deep breath. After all, I was in the right. I had actually paid bills regularly. So there is no reason for my phone connection to be cut. I had severly underestimated the capacity of Shri.Adminji.

Me : ``Hallo,hallo (falsely cheerful)!! Sir, apparently my phone connection has been disconnected by admin yesterday.''

Adminji : No, no. How can that be? Your phone has not been disconnected.

Me : Actually, I spoke to Airtel. My phone was disconnected on your department's instructions.

Adminji: No, no. They don't know what they are saying. Check your phone, it is on.

Me : Right. I checked my phone - from all angles, switched it on and off. took out sim card and put it in again. took out battery and put it in again. No connection. Nothing. And Airtel confirms they have disconnected me.

Adminji : If you do all those things to your phone, no wonder it is off. Thatz why Airtel must have disconnected.

Me (slightly desparate): Actually, Airtel disconnected because you told them to.

Adminji : I did not tell them anything. LEt them prove I talked to them. I haven't talk at all.

Me : Ok, so it is someone from your department.

Adminji : No, nobody from my department spoke to them.

Me : Ok, so they sent out a mail.

Adminji : Ah, that may be true. They sent some mail yesterday. Some connections were disconnected. But I am sure yours was not.

Me : Mine was too (loudly and firmly)

Adminji : Ok, so what do you want me to do now?

Me : You can ask them to reconnect me, for instance.

Adminji : (All sarcasm lost on him) Ok, I will do that.

Me: When? I have an important call in two hours.

Adminji : Two hours, no? no problem, I will go to office. I need to arrange for some lunch to be served. Then I have to look at some problems with some hotel bookings for our CEO. After that I should be able to do this. No problem.

Me(shouting now): I have a business call with people from the US in two hours. Surely this is more important that hotel bookings. Can you please call Airtel??????

Adminji : Why are you shouting? Are you bigger than the CEO? Why don't you call the US, instead of shouting at me?

Me: (sarcastically) And you will, of course, pay the bills for the US call

Adminji : (Sarcasm completely lost) Why are you so cheap? You cannot pay phone bills, is it? If you cannot pay, I will pay them from my salary. Don't shout.

Me (completely losing my head): Right, you disconnect my phone for no reason and you won't even make an effort to correct that and you want me to call people around the world to explain that my phone is not working and then you call me a cheapo.

Adminji : (interrupting my impassioned speech) You know what is the problem with you? you are a negative person. you cannot take anything positively.I gave you all possible options. You don't want to consider them. You just want to shout at me.

Me : (in what I think is a dangerous tone) Ah, I see. Could you, with your brilliant analysis, point out what exactly I need to consider positively, when I am going to be fired for missing an important call.

Adminji : See,see. You are again thinking negatively. All you people, think you are so important. Always shouting, always negative.

Me : Mr Admin. I have had enough of this - apart from being so incompetent that you cannot even understand what I am saying, you are also being insulting.

Adminji : (suddenly) Do you believe in God?

Me : (thrown off track) What does that have to do with this conversation

Adminji : If I have insulted you, God will punish me. And I am fearful of God. So I don't do wrong. So I have not insulted you.

Me : BANG PHONE DOWN!! (LATE REACTION)

Later, sanity prevailed. And I did manage a Machiavellian response to Adminji. I sent him my telephone bill, which he so kindly offered to pay from his salary. Airtel is now chasing him. I love my life. and such cheap thrills.